Commander Jorg Sacul
The Toy: The point at which movie merchandising descended into self-parody, this Star Wars exclusive was distributed to atℱtendees 🤪of a 25th anniversary convention in 2002 to honour the series' creator, George Lucas.
Worst Detail: The fact that they gave Lucas a Star Wars -y sounding moniker by misspell𒈔ing his first name and reversing the letters in his last.
The Birds Barbie
The Toy: In stark contrast to the cosiness of its regular range, once upon a time Barbie ꦛwent feral witﷺh its graphic tie-in with Alfred Hitchcock's avian attack horror, featuring a Barbie-fied Tippi Hedren fending off a trio of belligerent birds.
Worst Detail: The placement of one bird that appears to be trying to bite it🦩s way through🌟 to Tippi's crotch.
Real World Neo
The Toy: Chances are, most kids would skip straight to the bullet-time action in role-playing The Matrix . But for those who truly want to r♌ecreate the ꦯentire film, here's Keanu in sad-sack first act mode.
Worst Detail: ꦉThe baggiest, most ill-shapen ju🧔mper ever stitched for a Hollywood action hero. Loser.
Transformers Groom 'n' Go Bath Set
The Toy: A prete🌊nd shaving kit f𓃲or those too young to shave, based on a franchise whose heroes don't even need to shave.
Worst Detail: Not even the moldable foam soap really offers much in the way of T🅠rans🌸forming.
Ethan Hunt "Pointman"
The Toy: We didn't realise that John Barrowman was in the 1996 Mission: Impossible . Apparently so.
Worst Detail: The frankly terrifying dis🍃guise head that comes with the set.
C3PO Tape Dispenser
The Toy: Of all the indignities ever foisted upon poor Goldenrod, getting stuck ꦆin a compromising position with a roll of pressure-sensitive adhesive is probably the most galling. He looks mortified.
Worst Detail: If you d🀅idn't know it was sticky tape, you'd swear he'd been caught having a r🧸obotic dump.
The Comedian
The Toy: This collector's edition of the Watchmen character is an "exclusive variant" - exclusive, presumably, because it looks nothing like actor Jeffrey Deanಞ M༒organ.
Worst Detail: The Errol Fl𒆙ynn-esque features don't at all suit the nihilistic character we see on-screen. And where's 𝐆the mask, anyway?
Sleeping Little Nicky
The Toy: We might - at a push - have bought a Happy Gilmore action figure. Adam Sandler's unlikeable 'son of Satan,' however, is another matter, especially when the c🌜haracter isn't even awake.
Worst Detail: Nicky's dog Beefy comes complete with🅰 "urin🌊ating function." Stay classy, Adam.
Dennis Nedry with Tranq-Spray Gun and Dino-Damage Arm
The Toy: Jurassic Park '♏s greedy-guts villain is somehow transmogrified i𒁏nto a kick-ass hero with an arm that can (apparently) damage dinos.
Worst Detail: The slimming down of overweight on-screen star Wayne Knight to suit the Identikit standards𝓰 of action figure body fascism.
Robocop And The Ultra Police
The Toy: Paul🅰 Verhoeven's ultra-violent satire of 1980s consumerism wouldn't be most people's first choice for a family board gamꦬe. That didn't stop Parker Brothers from doing just that.
Worst Detail: Gameplay involves collecting "hero" medals and vehicle cards rather than, say, running ov𝔍er toxic mutants.
