9 (2009)
The Universe: Post-apocalyptic 1930s
Inhabited By: Soul-bearing ‘stitchpunk’ rag dolls, the Fabrication machine, the cat-beast, the winged creatu💎re🍨 and all manner of machinery intent on destroying life on Earth.
Travel Agent Spin: Tired of the relative safety of your mundane existence? Why not take an adventure holiday in the exciting, white-knuckle apocalyptic afterma🥃th of yesteryear.
Work up a sweat fleeing from hideously barbaric machine overlords, or cower in fear among the ruins of mid-20 th century civilisation, the choice is yours!
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
The Universe: Oz
Inhabited By: Muꦓnchkins, witches, omniscient leaders, tin men, scarecrows, anthropomorphic lions, flyi🔯ng monkeys.
Travel Agent Spin: Bored o🍒f the sepia tones of middle-American life? ꦡWhy not whisk yourself, and your family pet, away to the Technicolor majesty of Oz, only minutes away by tornado!
Once there yꦛou’ll be able to take a walking cruise down the Yel൩low Brick Road, and meet colourful characters of all shapes and sizes along the way – now with free shoes for every guest!
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
The Universe: Dino-world
Inhabited By: Humanoid species evolved from different dinosaurs rather than apes - have managed to create the exact same languages, cities (Dino-hattan) and clothing customs as humans.ꩲ
Travel Agent Spin: If the fast paced rat race is getting you down, then maybe it’s time to literally get down to Dino-world – exactly like the world you know, but with more dinosaurs🔯!
Also, for the busi🔯ness savvy traveler, a trip could serve as an opportune time to purchase real-estat🐎e ahead of the forthcoming merger of our worlds!
The Mist (2007)
The Universe: Un-named, foggy dimension.
Inhabited By: Razo🧜r-lined giant tentacles, giant flying insects, giant spiders with acid webbing, a giant mantis thing.
Travel Agent Spin: Not for the feint of heart! Do you seek danger? Peril? Thrills and indeed spills? Th✨en look no further than an expedition into the unknown bounds of The Mist, where pul🅺se-pounding excitement awaits.
The vast reaches of the world are all but discovered, but should you have the steely nerve and brass cajones to enter The Mist, a whole world of adventure is open for you 🍌to discover! Please note: No insur♉ance cover possible.
Donnie Darko (2001)
The Universe: Tangent Universe
Inhabited By: Parallel versions 🐟of everyone you know, dead people from the future dressed in giant rabbit costumes.
Travel Agent Spin: For the cerebral traveller looking to expand his or her horizons, brush up on theor𝔉ies of q🥂uantum mechanics, wormholes and the philosophy of time travel, look no further.
Serious academics, followers of cult fashions and lia♓rs need only apply - all pretenders will only find themselves lost in a parallel universe of confusion, frustration and futility. Massive discounts available!
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (2005)
The Universe: Narnia
Inhabited By: Talking woodland creatures, fawns💫, centaurs, evil witches and flying lions.
Travel Agent Spin: Why spend hours aboard stuffy airliners when a world of adventure is accessible through your antique household furniture? A winter coat is a must, 🌄as is a steely🦋-reserve and a revolutionary spirit!
The religiously-sensitive may find the experience 🤪somewhat biblical in practice, but focus instead on the talking animals and the chance to join in an epic struggle of good vs. evil, and you’ll have a blast!
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
The Universe: Toon Town
Inhabited By: Car♛toons – ꩲincluding a wacky rabbit, his bestiality-committing bombshell wife Jessica, baby Herman and a whole host of faces from the golden age of animation.
Travel Agent Spin: If you’re feeling less than animate🦄d why not put a little colour back in your cheeks with a trip to fabulous Toon Town, home of all your favourite cartoon characters.
With fiend꧅ishly attractive women, terrifically annoying animals and film-noir subplots, Toon Town has something for everyone – be sure to visit the gift ꧟shop for all your essential Acme products!
Alice In Wonderland (1951)
The Universe: Wonderland
Inhabited By: Another land filled with talking w🌟ildlife, Wonderland also features talking plantlife and talking inanimate objects.
Travel Agent Spin: This year, forgo the annuꦺal trip to Disneyland, and instead inject your life with a sense of Wonder… a hedonistic retreat o𒊎f drug and drink fuelled adventures, this mind-bending destination is a must-see!
Featuring all-inclusive potions and acid-laced cake, along with daily tea-parties and life-sized chess, Wonderland is a tri🐎p alright, one that you’ll want to enjoy again and again!
Back To The Future, Pt. II (1989)
The Universe: Biff-world - alternate future reality
Inhabited By: Your worst enemy, now rich🍃 beyond your wildest nightmares and in ownership of pretty much everything.
Travel Agent Spin: Travel aboard our one-of-a-kind customဣ transport to a world of confusing time-travel paradoxes, and illicit gambling empires run by your homicidal nemesis.
All travellers will be given access to the latest hoverboards, along with complimentary self-tying trainers and self-drying jackets. Each tour will be guided by a delusional scientist type wh꧟o doesn’t get enough work.
9 is released in cinemas this Friday.
