Every day, our inboxes fill with press releases. Every time we see a new game, someone from the publisher is there to feed us the company line. Whenever tꦗhere's a big event, someone from the company gets up on stage and spouts bluster to try and convince the audience that everything is going better than is literally possible in our space-ꦫtime continuum.

Having just endured another E3, we're laden down with more sil🌞ly quotes than we know what to do with. So we decided 🎉to sort the pile and present them for your amusement. Otherwise, nobody would ever read them anyway, right?

On Colin McRae: Dirt

"With slow motion, rewin꧃d, multiple camera angles, and mo🌸re, gamers can now watch any crash repeatedly until their eyes are bleeding tears of joy."

Dirt: the racing game designed for.

On Alien Syndrome

"Extremely high-quality sci-fi action-RPG gamepꦆlay made specifically for the Wii and the PSP (PlayStation Portable) system."

Why read the review? This game is "extremely high-quality." Thanks, Sega, for removing a difficult purchasing decision.

On Rise of the Argonauts

"Further, Jason and the other Argonauts can combine combat tactics, where Hercules might💝 bear hug an enemy from behind while Jason bashes them to a bloody p♒ulp with his mace, for example."

Someone has an awkward and str🌟angely specific imagination.

On Innocent Life: a Futuristic Harvest Moon

"Life is good for the residents of Heartflame Island, especially since new robots and automated machines do almost all of the work. But technology is a tool - ♔not an answer to all problems. Maybe that's why everyone is a little uneasy about the old stories of strange magic and a prediction that Flame Mountain will erupt and destroy everything."

Can't imagine why...

On the acquisition of developer Junction Point

"Our shared visions on creativity, innovation and storytelling will allow us to touch individual players in ways never before possibl🌺e."

Keep your hands away from us.