Alec Meer
Reviewer, PC Format

What: Vice City
When: April 2003
Where: London
Why: First ever review of vice city on PC

Since GTA III, Rockstar’s been big on secrecy. Fair enough - the less the fans know, the more they want to know. But actually witnessing their stranglehold on the flow of knowledge is, however, a startling experience. Let me explain. That infamous secrecy didn’t seem much of a deal this time: after all, Vice City had been out on PS2 for six months. How worried could they be a💫bout me revealing, “Good game still good, now highe🔯r res”? Very, it turns out...

Thus I was sequestered in a luxurious London hotel for a couple of days. Their first actioꦡn was to stay my hand as I reached for the curtains, craving sun𒉰light. I paraphrase from memory:

“What if another mag tr🐓ies to see in? Everyone wants this exclusive.”

I stare silently at the ten storey drop outside the window. "Er. Really?"

"PC Gamer could be out in that park with binoculars."

I stare ag🐬ain, this time at the vast, empty park, across which one matchstick🌱-sized man slowly walked his Rice Krispie-sized dog.

"What, hiding behind that tree, trying to g🤡et a picture of the increased draw distance on his phone? "

“Well, you never know.”

“You’d n⛄eed a jetpack to reach this window.”

“Well, you never know.” And so, darkness fell. T💙he room was a shrine to Rockstar. The towels were natty Vice City ones; neon-pink cocktail sticks and R* keyrings lay everywhere; the hi-fi was encircled by soundtrack 𓆏CDs. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t look awesome, that I didn’t relish these delights. I’d also be lying if I said it wasn’t a little creepy.

The days that followed were characteristically surreal. Fine booze and incredible food; I wanted for nothing except sunshine. However, playing a game with someone watching is deeply unsettling. Though no criticism was uttered, each time I died felt utterly shameful. Then, late one night some L🃏ondon chums stopped by, curious to see my luxury prison - and called up porn on the pay-per-view TV, purely to land me in trouble. Miserably trying to explain to the PR the next day, I was not believed, but nor was I admonished. I got the dread sense it was simply expected... and it all piled up on the tab. I felt like some seedy nobody living a life of unfettered hedonism and somehow failing to appreciate it. How very Vice City! I was treated exceptionally well for those two days. Rockstar took fine care of me, no d♓oubt about that. But they also scared me half to death.

Apr 28, 2008