Muscularity!

Player One forces Player Two to oil him up in prep♕aration for the big bodybuilding meet. Many awkward glances𓂃 are exchanged.

Nativity!

Player One meticulously recreates the Chri✃stmas manger scene, before stuffing Player Two into the crib, weighing him down with gifts of frankincense and myrrh, and finally filling him up with hot liquid gold. It's a Game of Thrones golden shower!

Nudity!

Player One streaks across 🐼the stage𝓰 in nothing but their birthday suit. Player Two giggles and/or ogles, as appropriate.

Obesity!

Player One force-feeds the opponent a la The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror. Player Two promptly explodes.

Peculiarity!

Player One runs around the aren♉a honking like a crack-addled goose.

Perversity!

Player One clambers up one of those evil-eyed trees overlooking the ladies' cha♏nging rooms. "Got wood?", the tree asks the 'kombatant', before eating said pervert alive.

Pomposity!

Player Two becomes Player One's all new manservant, fetching grapes, ba🌠thing his sores and acting as a human footstool.

Profanity!

Player One tears into Playe🐟r Two wit൩h the vitriolic vocab of a lifelong bus station loony. Most of it, naturally, does not make sense.

Prosperity!

Player One rides his defeated enemy into a Scrooge Mcduck-like ocean of 'koins', using him like a surfboard until the hard, metallic waves eventually scrape his front off📖.

Punctuality!

Playe﷽r Two narrowly avoids having his thorax ripped out thanks to train delays. Player One, having arrived for the fight on time, tries to call him seven or eight times, before giving up and buggering off back home.