The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Mostly Laurence Fishburne’s speech about not being afraid and having a bit of a dance is rubbish because he doesn’t really say anything, but it also doesn’t help that he , where the boho crowd of sweati🐟ng ethno-bods go because Ibiza is, 🥃like, really over now.
300 (2006)
“Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for ton🦂ight we dine in hell!” What ? First of all, no t💟ruly rousing speech can include the word ‘breakfast’ – it’s a total mood breaker.
And seco💝nd of all, why would we be eating hearty if we&rsqu🐼o;re planning a slap-up inferno feast later? The guttural screaming is appreciated, Gerard, but this is meaningless.
Rocky IV (1985)
Rocky gets his face bea🍃ten like an obdurate anvil for half an hour then slo-mos a Russian superman to submission before offering a one-stop solution to the Cold War: just, like, change.
The modern day equivalent would be an episode of Entourage in which Palestine and Israel put their differences behind th💖em with advice from Ari Gold to ‘hug it out, bitch.’
American Beauty (1999)
“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world it f🐼eels like I can’t take it.&rdquo🃏; Oh sweet Jesus MAN UP. This profundity-in-the-mundane drivel is like reading a sixth former’s poetry book out loud.
There are so many things more beautiful than a bag, including being sick on your own shoes, whic𝓰h is what this clip makes us want to do.
Streetfighter: The Movie (1994)
JCVD in perhaps his as haircut-and-flashkick Street Fighter II character Guile, defying orders from da man and telling his unit he’s going “up reever” to kick M. Bison’s ass, using the kind of weapons-grade accent not seen in Britain since Allo Allo was prime time viewing.
Robin Hood (2010)
Russell Crowe uses his weirdly ersatz Midlands accent to balloon-deflating effect during whatever his Robin Hood film had instead of climaxes. On its own, 𒀰the scene is a bafflingly flat trudge through some kind of political message.
Coming a🌸fter a hour or more of teꦚdious ‘historical authenticity’ its barmy suggestion – Robin Hood invented democracy! – is an insulting cock in the eye.
