The 9 most ridiculous things in Jaws Unleashed
Shark Week goesā off the rails with 2006’s crazy masterpiece of awful
It’s also one of the most darkly hilarious games ever made - although we’re still not sure how much of the humor is intentional, given that a lot of it comes from the main character being an omniscient sea-beast that eventually learns how to use explosives and sabotage industrial machinery with its teeth. Are the terrified screams of mangled swimmers actually meant to be over-the-top to the point of camp? Were we supposed to derive endless amusement fromš„ tossingšŗ boat-rednecks around like chew toys?
Whatever the case, it’s possible to enjoy Jaws Unleashed on the same level as a bad movie, and it may be the only bad game for which this is true. And like any good-bad work of fiction, it has a few shining mošments when it veers completely off the rails and turns implausibly, beautifully ridiculous.
1. THE BREAKOUT
From there, we’re taskeš¤”d with exploring a peaceful cove and devouring some of the wildlife there. This being a Jaws game, it isn’t long before we&rsquoš°;re introduced to our first humans, some of which have the temerity to insult us with their flimsy-ass shark cages.
This yields predictable results:
Jaws gets so worked up that he then goes on a teašr around Amity Islanꦔd, eating swimmers, collapsing dockside cafes and ripping up jetties to work through his aggression.
So, getting to the point: Jaws’ behavior just can’t go unpunished, so he’s capturedą± by marine biologist (and hero of the last two Jaws movies) Michael Brody, and deposited in a tašÆnk at a Seaworld-like aquarium (clearly inspired by Jaws 3-D).
This is when things start to get weird.
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Given the tools at your disposal, there’s only one possible course of action. And it’s one that no real shark would ever think to take, especially not a stupid asš®shole shark like Ją¶£aws.
After that brief bit ofš¦ strangeness, Jaws is set free to roam the park, terrorizing tourists and exotic fish alike. And for a while, the game becomes a relatively grounded shaārk simulator again.
If you’re interested in seeing the rest oāf the rampage beš§øfore moving on, it’s detailed in the following video:
Once he’s safely out of captivity, Jaws is hungry for a little revenge (on the human race, naturally). So he waits until nighš§tfall, and then creeps through the gloom to the site of a beach party full of teens.
How did he know it was there? We guess it doesn’t really matter; what does matter is that the partygoers think it&rsš¦quo;s safeš¦ to go for a swim, thanks to an electric fence constructed to keep sharks like Jaws away.
Of course, they didn’t couną¼t on the game they inhabit being designed by crazy sadists. That’s why it’s possible for Jaws not only to understand the relationship between the fence and its nearby generators (which are on the outside of the fence for some reason), but also to know how to use that to his advantage.
Once he’s past the barrš·ier, Jaws starts doing what Jaws does best, which is to say he hurts people and ruins things.
Once šhe’s wreaked enough destruction, we’re suddenly given a glimpse of an oil refinery way up on a hill, which you’re toą¼ld to destroy somehow.
Around the same time, some rednecks pull up with a flatbed truck that’s conveniently ꩲbeen filled with dangerous-looking barrels, which they start tossing into the water.
Thesše then explode shortly after they start to sink.
So thš¬ere’s the situation. Now, if yoź¦u’re Jaws, what do you do?
If you said &ldź¦quo;grab one of the lethal, exploding barrels that have set the water on fire in my mouth and then spit it at the waste pipe running down from the refinery,” then congratulations! You are probably one of the designers of Jaws Unleashed. You are also a danger to yourself and others and should be lockeš§ød up.