5. Sexy Parodius
So b𒈔ad it's good, Konami taking the mickey out of its own Gradius series sashays effortlessly throug🍸h the ranks of randomly-named Japanese shoot-'em-ups - the genre that brought us Radiant Silvergun, Dangun Feveron and Watashi-Baku-Pomme.

4. Todd's Adventures in Slime World
Actually one of the 🌸best reasons to own Atari's ill-fated Lynx handheld - the only portable device able to double as a blunt trauma weapon - a game set entirely in seething mucus is♊ a hard sell. Atari chose not to really try.

3. Big Mother Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder
And to think they say gaming has no class! Two shady puns ✱for the price of one, suggesting a package only slightly less seedy than some of the brown-paper-bag Japanese... erm, special inter💎est titles.

2. Attack of the Mutant Zombie Flesh-Eating Chickens from Mars (Starring Zappo the Dog)
Back in the mists of time, ZX Spectrum nearly hosted AOTMZFECFM (SZTD) - the next title from the creator of Jet Set Willyꩲ (possibly another warning-bell-sounding name in our more PC times). Sadly, it was never finished.

1. Leather Goddesses of Phobos 2: Gas Pump Girls Meet the Pulsating Inconvenience from Planet X!
We're not making it up, altho🌊ugh unfortunately the title is far better (not to mention almost longer) than the disappointingly bland mid-'90s PC adventure🥀 game itself.